(This is a true story)
"Some of us are born with the impulse to f%$k,fight or ruin everything around us…"-Bake
(Love is one of the most interesting things out there. Next to money everything revolves around love. Love this, love that or love pink, I mean damn! Not that I'm complaining about vickies but love seems to be everywhere for better or for worse.
I have this unusual habbit (one of many) where I tell people I love them. Dosent matter who it is, I love em. I've told Sully, Honey, Vigil and other assorted persons in my daily life. I'm pretty sure I'm not in love with them, but it is a new Army. I do however actually tell certain people I love them like my son and stuff. I just say it to people for comedic relief or to be silly.
I gotta admit its gotten me in trouble once or twice. Actually one such incident happened the other day. I made an "awww, you do love me"comment and got an interesting rant about love and that stuff. While it was happening I thought to myself "Damn! Me and my big mouth!" and it reminded me of the very first "love incident" I ever had, which leads us to todays story.)
Now if you know anything about my past, you'd know that I had fallen madly in love with a girl named Clare. Dang ole! She was something man! I remember the first time I had laid eyes on her, I didn't wanna stop looking at her. I met her hanging out with a bunch of the guys I skated with. She also was best friends with a dear friend of mine named Marge. I'm pretty sure as it goes she called me first( its been so long) and we had become friends. I remember talking to her all hours of the night, which was funny cause I was still in high school and responsible for getting my behind to school on my own. I just wanted to touch her, be around her and all the other delights of teenage love. I took to leaving her notes and drawings and on holidays I'd leave her gifts in her mailbox.
Well obviously it didn't work out. We dated a short time and she left me. I assume its me. Ironically she made me realize that I'm "that guy" and by that I mean "the nice guy, that girls don't want". So in the end we were just really good friends. After along time though we had a falling out and a while later reunite briefly. We came back together because she started working at my local skate spot. That's where the tale begins. This all happened a few years later.
I had been skating this spot for years by then. When clare came back and worked at the Soup'er Salad that had opened up in the parking lot I would visit her early because there were no customers. We'd talk and hang out untill someone showed up ,then I'd leave.
Well one day I got to skatin early and was attempting to find someone to skate with. Lacking a wingman I stopped into Soup'er Salad to see Clare. While we were chatting I looked out the storefront which was all glass and saw my old friend Flint Beck riding by on his skateboard. I saw my chance to skate, grabbed my board and without thinking kissed Clare on the cheek , then spouted out "I love you." and ran out the door.
I jumped on my board and sped off in order to catch Flint. All of a sudden what I had just said and done, as well as the effects hit me. I came to a halt several meters from Flint and stopped. To my horror the images of what happend were on a loop in my mind.
Flint saw this and came over, concerned he asked me what was wrong.
"Dood! I think I just f#$ked up!"
He asked me why and I had told him what had happened. When I was done, he stared at me open mouthed like I had just pee'd on the Queeen of England.
"Don't worry man, I'll fix it!" (He was a damn good friend.)
He knew it coulda been anyone that I woulda kissed and said I love you to. I was that kinda guy goofy and stupid. The concern was the look on her face and I gotta admit she was less than estatic about it. Flint kept good his word and talked to her about it. He reported back later that night he said that it was "Ok" and everthing was cool. He also stated that he was tempted to tell Clare that I had got my share of girls(he used a different phrase) to make it appear cool but he had decided against it.
Not to long after that we had our final fallin out. To this day I assume that it was because of the "I love you " incident. We weren't angry or anything, it just sorta ended.
That love I guess, well at least according to me. I had a narcotics class once and the instructors told me that with drugs you are always trying to recapture your first high. That your first expirience is the best and that the addiction is trying to re-do that high. That's my love life to a "T". Trying to find someone who literally kicks me in the tenders like Clare did.
The rest of my life will be spent fighting the futile battle of trying to keep my mouth shut.
-B
(The years come and go. I still find myself saying stoopid things and occasionally dealing with the consequences. I still chuckle to myself about it because it brings back the memories of long ago. I will always be this way. I will continue to say stupid things and do silly dances, its what helps me get by in this dreary world. I told kid to use a crayon in this black and white world while she colors outside the lines. To see the world through the eyes of a child is the only way I can maintain being human. Its the only way to see what this world really looks like. To see life through more than just the bland vision of adulthood. Well caffiene dosent hurt either tho…love ya-B)
