(If there are typos please forgive me for this is on my phone)
(This is a dream I had many, many moons ago.)
(Everyone had stress these days. More often than not I see people cranky and poopy faced. Not that I'm really one to talk, I have my fair share of stress daily. People will fight their stress with many activities that probably actually raise their stress levels that make them realize that their normal everyday stress ain't really so bad, from the fire to the frying pan, so to speak. My mother once told me that she would never go through life again. When I asked her why she replied that "life hurts, why would you do that again?". She's right life as good as it is, is still painfull.)
Everything was rushing at me. My wife and me were fighting. Money and bills were one of the many topics. I could hear my son crying for attention in the background. My body hurt and there was a massive headache pounding in my head.
She started yelling at me about the army. Fuck! The army, I'm in the army! Aren't I deploying soon? Didn't they mess up my pay? When do I report? Why is she yelling at me?
My sons hands began pulling at my leg. Aggrivated I sighed heavily as I picked him up and held him. He did not stop fussing. I could smell his skin as he struggled in my arms still crying for attention.
How did this happen? I'm supposed to be happily married. Why is my beautiful wife angry? Is she mad enough to not love me anymore? I just want her to stop yelling.
The bills! The damn bills! Why is she yelling when I'm the only one that works? Can't she just stop!? She's not listening to anything I say!
I can feel the spark turning into a flame. The flame is getting bigger. Anger, frustration, the world is turning red…why can't she stop! I just want her to love me!…stop! please stop!… I wish this wasn't real! Why do I have to go through this!?
The world begins to swirl like a sink drain. All the images flow together in a uintelligble collage of colors and sounds…
Rushing torwards me…I'm standing in daylight.
"Where am I?" I look around me blinking in the harsh sun. I realize that I'm in my hometown. I'm standing there with my left foot on my skateboards tail, proping the nose and front wheels up at the sky. I'm wearing my old favorite Powell Perelta grey shorts, a green t-shirt and my black Plan B hat. I'm staring down a road I recognize as my favorite to roll down on my board on the way to Miller elementary, my favorite place to skate.
I realize I'm back to my childhood. My middle teen time. As I realize this I feel the weight of the world leave my shoulders. I feel the breath return to my lungs, my back and shoulders no longer crunched under the weight.
I take a deep breath, feeling the California sun on my face, and I pushed off down the hill…
( after I had this dream I told my wife at the time about it. She got really mad and cried for a while. She said that it means that she made me miserable. I don't really think she did, but not like she'd listen.
The moral of the story is that yeah, life is tough. Too many kids rush to be grown ups and none savor the time they were kids. I know I had it good but at the time I didn't think so. I had to become a parent to understand. I know I can never return to neverland, but I can look back fondly on those times and take comfort in the fact that those days and my parents made me into who I am today…)
-B
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