Pat remembers

[ This is another old FB story I wrote after finding an old friend again. He knew Flint well and we shared a memory or two of him. Again I hope you like it...]

 So this last August or thereabouts, I was reunited with a long lost friend. His Name is Pat, We used to wander this city to skate together. We met in High school was friends for years after and then had some falling out.I think its been about 11 or twelve years since I had last laid eyes on Pat. Pat got me back into skating and during one session we were skating at Paseo park ,  sitting on a ledge reminiscing bout the days of old, Pat told me about his last encounter with Flint "Busta" Beck.

Pat told me that he was hanging out at Gecko's bar and grill [I assume the downtown one] he actually ran into Flint. Flint was there waiting on his girlfriend. Pat and Flint sat down and drank for a while before making plans to meet up the next day or so to skate. They both parted ways and met the next day.

Pat Described Flints skating as nothing short of the incredible, original style that I knew him to have. Flint rolled around in the improvisinal style that gave him his reputation that he was proud of. He was not a cloned skater he defied the streets skating and dominating everything from the smallest insignificat obsticale that most skaters would be above skating. I loved skating with him.

I could see Pats eyes shining with the warm memory of our fallen friend, as if actually seeing it like a video in his mind. He smiled the whole time he remembered. I asked Pat about how Flint was back then and Pats smile faded away. He told me that Flint had a heavy sorrow that followed him. That when Flint smiled you could see the emptyness inside. He also told me that Flint seemed happiest when he was skating. Then Pat stopped talking.

I sat there in the silence of Pat's memory.Why wasn't I here? I began to feel jealous that Pat had a more recent memory of my Beloved friend. Why wasn't I here for him?

We sat there for a few minutes more before getting up to leave. Pats memory fell to the side as Pat spoke of his Bride to be and their iminent union. I told Pat I'd wear my uniform and he said that he would love to see it. Plans for the next session were made and lunch was following. As we walked to my truck I almost looked over my shoulder and yelled for Flint to hurry up cause we were leaving, as was his custom to frantically squeeze every bit of skating in. But when i turned all I saw was his memory and young kids forming new ones...

-B

I Remember

[ This an old FB post I had written a while back yet around Flints anniversary. Yet again that Time is upon us, so as April 9th appraoches here is another story of a fallen "Board Pilot" known as Flint "Busta" Beck. I hope you like enjoy it.]

So last tuesday I got off of work early, after I parked I noticed this oddly familiar sound. As a few second passed I saw two kids bombing down Academy rd in front of my house. An odd pairing, one on a long board and one on a street board rolling down the center of the street. I stood watching them and the memories rushed back to me of a time long ago now. of a time me and Flint would ride the same street at 4am.

I began to focus on the thought of Flint. How long has it been since he passed on? how much longer had it been since me and him had our last ride, Our last meeting with the glory of stupid kids? I remember riding all over this city, Having conversations with each other to pass the time and distance we would roll. I remember sitting with him at 6am discusing our own warped version of philosiphy at the phillips 66 at Montgomery and Eubank. I remember running from the cops for skating, laughing as we out manuverd police cars on our boards. I remember loving riding from sundown to sun up.

Mostly I remember him. I met him at target skating. He was taken back by me and Chuck cause we were local heroes. He was excited when we cheered when he pulled one of his signature silly, abstract moves. I remember changing the word to song to witty, clever sometimes vulgar lyrics. I remeber being able to sit with him at carrows till close dronkin cokes ,coffee and smoking ciggarettes. I remember him caring about me. Beliving in me as I believed in him.

I remeber his funeral, I remeber my wife hugging me as tears rolled down my cheeks looking at his remains. I remeber people, all kinds of people who came to say good bye.

I remember missing him, but mostly I remember the last letter he sent me. A letter when I was in Kuwait. It was a letter sayin how proud of me he was.

I remember never answering.now its too late. I wish I had, I wish I had said something. Now I cant. I remeber wishing that I could saw "I love you" and that I could thank him for being the person he was.

I stood there as the two kids and their sounds faded in to the darkness of the morning. They faded and dissapeared but my memories of Flint and me rollin down Academy may be faded but its still in my mind. I turned away and walked to my apartment wondering if he still thinks of me.

-B

Death From Above…[well almost]

(This is a true story)

(The anniversary of my friend Flint's death is once again upon us. Sould be in a week or two. I gotta admit that I have been missing him a lot in the termoil of my so called life. Good friends like him are rare, I shoulda held on tighter to him. I was thinking of yesterdays article "centrifugal force" and it reminded me of this one time Flint and me were skating. I hope you enjoy…)

If you know anything about flint it was that not only was he a great improv skater, it was that he attempted to ollie or jump any gap he came across. Board or blade didn't matter, I have seen him try to jump some silly stuff before. Usually its just funny, sometimes it was spectaculah!!!

One day Flint and me were skating by the Burger King on Juan Taboo. The Bank on the upper lot had a small wall with a small gap dropping into the BK lot. Flint looking for a crowning achievement for the weekend looked at this and decided that this obstacle was his "piece de resistance".

To make it a little more interesting Flint had decided on rollerblading that day. I was on my board having bladed last weekend. We had been switching off from blade to board to keep it "fresh", you know to break up the routine. We got a lot of shit for it but no one could deny the good time we were having.

Most skaters took the BK gap bout midway where it was a foot of planter with 9 or so inches of wall to a 5-6 foot drop with a two foot gap that in the drop was irrevelant. This was not good enough for Flint. If you go north along the wall it gets higher with a much deeper drop. Flint decided to take the BK gap at the top.

At the top of the lot the BK gap weighs in at : 4 foot gap to the 1 1/2 foot tall wall to a at least 7 foot drop with at 3 foot gap at the bottom landing in a slight incline. In short it was no laughing matter.

As Flint got ready, I stood at the bottom of the gap and a few yards south so I could see over the wall to watch. Flint was taking dry runs at it trying to work up the courage when a guy known as "the Matrix" walked up.

Matrix was a pretty damn good rollerbladers. I seen him take rails on his blades that most of you wouldn't walk down. He taught me to rollerblade with Flints help. He had a vice for burgers and could be seen walking to BK from time to time.

Matrix asked me what's up and I filled him in. He was a little alarmed that Flint wasn't jumping yet. We stood there and watched Flint take several more dry runs.

Matrix finally upped the ante, he told Flint that if he made it down the gap, he would buy him a whopper meal. To seal the deal I told Flint that I would buy him a pack of ciggarettes if he made it. Apparently that was enough to light the fire under his ass.

Matrix and I stood together on the bottom of the gap and watched Flint go back to his starting point. He paused to adjust his skates, and took off sprinting torwards the gap. Matrix and me began cheering and whooping, egging him on. He reached the gap, jumped and sailed though the air.

When Flint cleared the wall you could tell that he began to think that this wasn't a good idea. I could see it in his face and by the way he began swirling his arms that he was actually trying to hit the brakes in midair. A look of pure panic and terror was visible on his face as he drifted weightless through the air.

Flints rollerblades then made contact with the ground. His legs bent to absorb the shock of landing. He then curved left, stopped and looked at us.

We began moving simultaneously, Matrix walked to the BK and I went to the Walgreens to buy ciggarettes, Marlboros to be exact. When I came back Flint was still standing in the lot. I handed him the pack of smokes and we went into Burger king together to join the Matrix inside for a burger or two.

There are lots of cameras these days. I got a camera, a pretty cool one from my parents in my bag and as well as a pretty decent one on my phone. I'm sure all of you have cameras on your phones. People take pictures of family and friends, even loved ones. They ussually just store them or post the pics on Facebook. Little handy cameras weren't around when Flint jumped the BK gap. I had a Video camera but we weren't filming that day were were just having fun. Point is I'm glad I didn't have a camera, I captured that moment in my memory.

You can lose memory cards and phones, the internet may crash in the coming zombie appocolypse, but even though Flint is no longer here on this earth I will always have these memories to look at.

Flint, man I miss you, wish you were here…

-B

Centrifugal Force

(This is a true story)

I don't know if you have ever noticed this but if you were born longer than you can remember ago, playgrounds have changed.

I suppose its because of litigation. In short no one wants to get sued, I sure dont. I really didn't notice the changes till I had my son and began taking him to the park or to play at his school.

Growing up I recall huge maze like works of bars and obstacles. Hell I remember some flat out scared me. There was a vast array of swings and balance beams. Monkey bars were standard issue. I even remember chin-up bars. I remember girls climbing up to this bar suspended high in the air to do their flips and twirls like an olympic gymnast.

Now days that's all been toned down a lot. The playground down the street from my house is like a low "ship" with ladders and stairs compared to the beheamoths of my childhood all safely covered in a soft paint with no sharp corners. Even the slides are lame. I remember thinking the "Big" slide at school was the equivalent of jumping out of an airplane, now the big rush is will I get static shock from the plastic slide that water barely runs down. People worry about kids being overweight but everything is so toned down that the kids will burn half a calorie getting on the palyground equiptment compared to when I was a kid having to literally climb up the jungle gym to be on it. Now its like "Come on let's climb the stairs to the jungle gym!" I'm sure elevators will be next.

My final complaint is that some idiot decided to replace the sand that traditionally covers the playground with tree bark. That person has obviously never fallen off a jungle gym. How can tree bark be softer? When will they decide to put chunks of concrete out there to break our falls?

But let's not forget my all time favorite thing on the play ground…

The "Merry-go-Round"

Dang ole! Rated the most dangerous thing ever put on the playground. In some hands it was a calm, fun ride but in the wrong hands it was even better!

These days I think you have to go to Europe or somewhere else to see one. I saw one in Iraq once but they have all gone the way of the dinosaurs. Extinct only remembered or speculated about.

Growing up Merry-go-rounds were as common as swing sets. One in every park and school. The park down the street where I grew up was no exception. I have lots of fun memories on them.

I remember one time we were all at the park. My family used to make a big deal about birthdays and would make a big celebration picnic in the park complete with pinatas. Us kids, I think it was nine of us, 6 girls/3 boys, would get hopped up on sweets and food and run around screaming our little heads off in the park.

Man that must have been annoying for the adults. I've mentioned my Mother requiring entertainment or she gets bored, well Dads not that much different. Difference is that Dad was a Marine and he has learned to make do with what's at hand. "Improvise, Adapt and Overcome" was the motto he raised us by.

So Dads stuck at a party full ofscreaming, sugar-high kids aaaand there's a merry-go-round…that to him spelt "fun for all!"

So Dad and our ex-uncle (a former Marine himself) would round us all up and herd us over to the wheel-of-death. Funny part was we loved it, it wasn't our first rodeo. They would tell us to hang on and if we(hahahaha! "If") fell off to roll away from the merry-go-round when we hit the ground.

So everyone got on the merrry-go-round and held on. Like it think if we had rope we woulda tied ourselves on. I remember looking at all the girls spread out the ride. All of them would wrap they legs and arms in a death grip. My cousins Micheal, David and me being the only boys would stick together. We occupied on whole section. I sat facing out, wrapped around the U-bar. Micheal and Dave would hang onto the bar that want to the middle of the merry-go-round.

Dad and my uncle would then ask us if we were ready and when we replied yes they would begin a count down rocking the merry-go-round back and fourth untill they reached the count of three.

Then the carnage began.

It must be the way it feels to be in a tornado. The world blurred by, the colors running into each other like a water color painting. I could feel the centrifugal force pushing me into the bar, hell I could feel my internal organs moving to one side of my body. I could hear the girls sreaming as everything swirled by.

I remember looking back and seeing them fly off one by one. One second they were there, then they let go and were swallowed by the swirling vortex. Of the boys David being pretty young was the first to go. Michael them would slide down and hang on to me. His legs would tire out and let go, I looked and saw him perfectly level, sideways in the air clinging to my arm, screaming bloody murder. His hand got tired and he let go, he slow drifted into the void, then was swept away.

I began to have problems of my own, it bean to hurt to hang onto the bar. I tried to adjust my legs and released too much and the vortex grabbed hold of my ankles. I then found myself suspended like Mike. Hanging on for dear life I could see my Father laughing as he and my Uncle continued pushing the Merry-go-Round. I'm pretty sure I was screaming by then. My fingers began to tire and I succomed to the vortex drifting out into the void before being swept away.

The world stopped in a hurry with all the colors becoming recognizeable shapes. Then I made contact with the ground and rolled several feet. When I sat up in the grass I saw all the kids in a group cheering and laughing. I got up and ran over to cheer on the remaing kids on the wheel…

Man what times, I'm sure now that's child abuse.

Several of my cousins and I still sit around and laugh about the wheel of death. Come to think of it all the things we did as children are considered unsafe or dangerous now. Despite all of that I have made many memories that I cherish highly.

I remember a few years into skateboarding an old woman who did not approve came out to tell me that I could have an injury that could confine me to a wheelchair or worse and that I should do no "dangerous" activities to avoid that and be perfectly healthy in my old age. To that I replied " yeah but imagine the stories I'll tell from my wheelchair…"

-B

Things That Go Bump In The Night.

[This is a true story]

We have already talked about the unifying princibles, you know the things that link all cultures. Math and the Boogey man always come to mind. All children every where are scared of something in the night, some awful predator, monster thingy.

Before I really got into horror movies I was absolutely convinced that there was something out there at night. I suppose the young Marine across the way didn't help these thoughts, I'm sure he meant well. It just so happened that we were talking about nightmares and he told me of one where he would dream of a big scary monster hand would reach up from under the bed and pull him under. I gotta admit that the thought of that is absolutely terrorfying to such a wee grommit like myself.

I don't think  having a pretty logical mind helped either. Ok before you start questioning my logic claim, listen to this. Its not like its a good logic, its actually way,waaaay too much. Like I didn't weigh the probability of existance but rather the possiblity of completion. To dumb it down I didn't use my logic to determine if it was possible for these creatures to exist but rather just how possible it was for them to accomplish their dasturdly deeds.

Ok here's an example of my thought process. Once we went to Seaworld and my Dad wanted to go to the shark tunnel. At that time I was aware of the movie "Jaws" and the people eating (specifically the ease of eating little people such as me) capabilities of sharks. I refused to enter the tunnel. Dad got mad and asked why, to which I responded…

"The sharks will eat me!"

Dad then told me that sharks like all fish cannot survive out of water. I knew through personal expirience and through documentaries that fish can live out of water for a short time before dying, more specifically, they will live long enough to bite me in half. I knew that the shark could break the glass, swim in the water on the floor to me bite me in half, then die. I'm sorry but a lose-lose is still a loss. Long story short, cutting my losses I refused to budge, dad got pissed, I got yelled at but I remaind solidly in one piece ,un-bitten by a shark, that is a "win".

Well back to the story at hand.

Dad had declared quiet time after dinner and this reqired that we go to our rooms to quietly play or whatever. That night I chose to use the time to determine just how possible a monster attack was and how the attack would be carried out.

I'm ashamed to admit that I found myself very vunerable thus highly suspectable to a monster attack.

I had two major vunerabilities on my bed.

1. The free side of the bed.
Wide open, I used that side myself to get on and off the bed. Can't be avoided. The monster could attack from the free route and escape easily. The monster would have his choice of pulling me under the bed or dragging me to the closet.

2. The wall side of the bed.
Even though the bed was against the wall. I knew I would reach down to the floor that was and that if I could do it, the mauraders of the night definitely could. This was the secondary direction of attack that it could be carried out. The creature could only pull me under the bed from here.

I didn't really worry about the foot of the bed because the was a trunk there and I was, well really short. A lot of reach was needed compared to the sides of the bed.

Well after a little thought I finally found what I needed in Buggs Bunny cartoons.

What I needed to survive the night were decoys.

I had two fairly large stuffed animals in my childhood. One was a bear and the other was a stuffed killer whale. Both were large enough to possibly fool a monster that only had seconds to carry out its attack. Plus if one was taken I 'd have proof of these child-snatchers. Then my Father and his Marines would go to fight the monsters ending the reign of terror of the night. The Marines would fight for the children.

I slept with the bear covering the wall side and the killer whale on the floor side. Those two sentries guarded me infailibly, ready to give their lives so that the Marines would end the terror. We slept that way for a while, I'm not really sure how long till the worst happened.

I woke one Saturday morning to bright sunlight. I had slept soundly with my guardians. I did my daily check or roll call. I looked to my left and there as always was the bear. I turned and looked to my right and the killer whale was gone…

In panic I checked the bed, looking all over for her. Then my mind started racing, with the fact that I had been attacked the previous night.

The poor whale!! She was a killer whale selected because of that to perform this duty and she's gone!

I finally worked up the courage to creep up to the edge of the bed to see if there was anything left before screaming for my Father to rescue me and go to war.

I had closed my eyes when I got to the edge. I peered over the edge and opened my eyes…

There she was, unharmed lying on the floor. I guessed that I must knocked her off the bed. I reached down and scooped her up and returned her to her place of duty…

I'm not really sure how many years I slept with those two by my side. I wonder if they had ever fought any battles to protect me in the night. Both of those heros I gave to my kid sister and I believe she still has them.

I laugh about all this not because it seems childish but because once I went in to tuck my son in for the night and I noticed he placed stuffed animals on the floor side as well as the wall side. I never asked him why he did that.

I wonder if the monsters die when you no longer believe in them? Does that mean my defenders died with the monsters?

I do know that my son sleeps soundly at night with his sentries standing guard as I did as a child…

-B

Memoirs of a Television

(This is a true story)

(Things are such a drag these days. While doing what I do, life ain't always the funnest(hahahaha) or the best of conditions. This guy I know called Poacher said that life would be a little better if we had a T.V in the bay where we reside. I kinda admit that after watching full length movies on my droid3 that a T.V. would be welcome.

What I do to while away the time is I remember things and reflect on my past. I was walking to eat with Poacher and another guy called VDG and I told them this story, and now I'm sharing it with you.)

Horror movies are one of my favorite types of movies! Man I dig em. I love watching the movies and getting all creeped out. The stories are fantastic, well most of em anyway. Horrors can be such a good time.

The way I see it are that there are only two major drags of watching horror movies.

1. Chicks don't dig em.
Ok, well at least all the girls I'm interested in will not watch a horror. Actually bout every pretty girl I know refuses to watch em, and I know of one that did watch a horror in a theatre and she ended up hiding in a Mcdonalds bathroom.

2. Dad abhorrs them.
He spends the entire movie covering the term "Bulls%*t" with a cough. I think its weird though that he stays till the end of the movie.

One of the cooler things about Horrors is that my Mother loves them. Dang ole! Shed go on and on about them, tellin us about the ones she's seen and telling us ghost stories. It was a whole lot of fun listening to my Mom go on and on.

So that means Mother had the same problem I do with that genre. But what she did have for her was my older sister and me. After a while us kids began to like watching those movies. So the three of us would watch the Twilight Zone, Alfred Hitchcock and out all time fave "Them". We'd watch them together roughly till Dad started coughing.

We did catch breaks though. My Dad being a Marine would end up pulling overnight duty and when that happened…Awwwwwwww cheeeea!!!!!

As Pyle would say " Oh, Its on!"

Wed drop him off at work cause we only had one car. We all kiss him and tell him wed miss him. Then we would all climb back into the car, wave aaaand drive straight to the video store.

While at the video store we rent a whole stack of horrors. In this modern times I think people would called the cops. My sister and me were pretty young and we would be running up and down the horror isle scouting movies and when required reading what the movie was about off the back of the package.

Upun completing the movie selection phase we would all pile back in the car and drive to a gas station. There we would buy junk food, popcorn and cokes like no tommorow. I remember getting Mountain Dew in a glass bottle.

That accomplished we drove home and proceded to get wild. We watched every movie that we rented. We stayed up all hours of the night fascinated by the creepy crawlies and spookables we saw. I seem to recall once we watched the entire Nightmare on Elm street series in a night.

When the movies were done we'd sleep a little, get up and drive back to the movie store, Mom would pull up next to the return slot, Inda and me would return the movies, then we picked up Dad.

I'm pretty sure a lot of people have little rituals like what we had. Family game nights, zoo trips,cruises, things that you imagine families doing together. I treasure those nights over all that stuff. Yeah it wasn't fancy, it wasn't Disney land, but it was us. Me and my sister fought all the time making my Mom mad, however for those times wed come together and spend time with each other.

Life, even Family life takes away from each other, but I think the beauty of it is that little things can bring you together as a family.  Something as trivial as C & D movies could bring us together, but Clare once said "Nothing is trivial"

Life has split us all up for now and even though I'm far from home wearing an American flag on my right shoulder the memory of those time makes me feel close to my family.

-B

Parenthood

[This is a thought] (dang ole! I'm having lots these days!)

"All of which is the American dream!"- Rage against the machine

Back in my childhood days I contrary to my Fathers beliefs actually thought quite a bit. I thought about all kinds of things. Like kid stuff and then I thought of not so kids stuff like God or adult things.

One thought I had once was about immortality. Wow! To live forever without fear of injury or death. I think if I went back in time and asked all my childhood friends, one of the three wishes would have been eternal life. I also believe that without the shadow of death hanging over you life just seems better. Imagine the wisdom and the fun of living through time, witnessing the changes in life and the world.

I went to my Mother who is my spiritual and philosifical(hahahaha!) Mentor/instructor with this jem of a thought. I then proceded to ask her if she would like to live for ever.

"No."

I was floored! Here was my spiritual mentor and she said "No". I regrouped and the only thing I got outta tnat effort was to ask why not.

" Who wants to watch all their loved ones grow old and die?"

I gotta admit I didn't think of that one. Realizing that I was outgunned I retreated to my room to think about what had happened. Like all children my faith in my Mother made me acknowledge that she was right. However like all childeren I didn't understand why.

Sometime later in that era the movie "Parenthood" was released. It was billed as a comedy and loving comedies I watched it. I gotta be honest I cannot recall wether I saw it in the theatre or on cable but I remember thinking it was funny. It was a funny movie, lots of different types in it. I laughed a lot. I laughed to myself, hahahahahahaha! That's what family is all about!

Well the years came and went, I would see that movie here and there over time. I would still laugh at the movie…

Then I got divorced.

I'll spare you all the Emoness of my depression during that time. You all know a lot happened. What's important is that watching my son grow during this horrible event. Watching him cope and try to understand why we were not a whole family anymore. It hurt me to see him go through that.

Then this year I sat down and while sitting up with my Mother watching T.V. Parenthood came on. I sat there prepared to laugh and remember the movie.

I saw "Parenthood" for the first time then.</p>

The movie was beautifully done. It caught all the pain of raising children. The movie broke my heart. I saw and understood for the first time what it truly meant to be a parent. I saw how painfull it is to have a child and how absolutely, truly wonderfull it is to be a parent.

Most children believe that we don't understand what they go through and maybe they are right. What they don't know that is we are there with them through their trials and tribulations. Like "footprints" we carry them through their problems, we care for them , we have to be willing to discipline them and above all we love them.

"Mother is the name for God on the lips and mouths of small children" yeah that's a true statement. I hope out there is a name for Fathers. I believe everything will work out no matter how painfull because "Matthias, is the word for "gift from God".

I can truly say that now I understand. I was blind all those years but now I see. I know now why my Mother said no and I know now what she and my father went through raising us. I just couldn't see them suffering through my own tears.

I just hope that the Stooges don't get philosiphical on me, it would be more than I could take…

-B

A bird in the hand…

[This is a thought]

"You're no more than a thought…"-old 97's

Back in the old days of California (Left Coast!!!) The Catholics in order to help the settlers built 21 fort like church complexes or "Missions" to supply or protect the hopefull within its walls. Spread from southern to northern California are these 21 works of art. Designed to offer shelter from the elements and hostiles, the Missions and the clergy within helped the state become populated. All 21 of them were placed a days travel apart to act as way stations. To this day the Missions still stand however I have heard tell that they are no longer open to the public.

When I was a child my Mother would take my older sister and me to the Mission San Louis Rey to play in the gardens and parks around the place to play. Like all of Socal, there was plenty of pigeons to go around. Linda and I would chase them because my Mother had promised to let us keep one if we could catch it.

Children are fascinated by birds. If I had caught one I would have stared at it for hours in wonder. Where has it been? What has it seen? Where will it go? And how does the damn thing fly?!

I imagine, although I have never asked, that that's why people keep birds as pets. You can buy all types of exotic birds. Brightly colored birds with beautifull patterns, birds of prey, delicate birds even birds that will sing you a song. I would own a bird myself except for the fact that I often wonder why would you cage a bird?

Maybe people buy birds in some kinda attempt to keep something that isn't theirs? I don't think its right to cage em cause some things were meant to be free. Its bad enough all the fairy tales died, why cage wonder.

Some things are just to pretty to keep. Its nice to have something in this drab world that sings in melody and color. Sometimes I see pretty things and I just stop and look, be it a my son, a bird, a flower, a family, the scenery or just a pretty girl in yoga pants. I stare in wonder at how could something be so beautifull. Then after several moments I'm glad I saw it and my day is just that much better. Beauty beheld, dang ole!

Sometimes I think the people in my life are the same way. I have met several beautifull, wonderfull people who are no longer in my life. I think of them and am a little sad that they are not here with me but at the same time glad that they did stop by for a while. They did color my life, and to be honest even though they are not here anymore, I am happy to have been blessed even for a little while. I used to meet such special, beautifull people and I'd desperatly reach out at them, like when I was a child chasing pigeons in the cool green grass lying in the shadow of the missions. Reaching and hoping to catch that beauty, to make it so I can keep it longer than a glimpse of time.

As the bird flys away all I can do is stand there and watch. I can either smile or frown as it gets smaller in the horizen. These days I let it go and wonder about who else will be touched by its beauty, who else can see it, who else will it share itself with?

Even now a bird is preparing to "fly the coop" so to speak. I am saddened but at the same time I'm glad that I did get to expirience that beauty. I will always remember my time with it.

The other day I was at a remote site waiting to go home (home is where you hang your weapon). It was a cold, cloudy, windy and drab ugly day topped off with a hint of saddness. I was leaning on a trailer staring at some trees and foilage when all of a sudden a bright red robin landed in the bushes. The contrast was immence. I stared for a while drinking in the red and the fact that it was a robin(not to many where I'm from). I got the idea to take a picture with my phone, as I reached down I took my eyes off the robin for a second and then it was gone.

People come and go I say a lot. My life is filled with the snippets of beautiful people. I wish to hell some would stay and help make my life complete.

Its like I'm not the one looking at the bird in the cage, I am the one in the birdcage.
-B

"I'm no more than a thought and I'm getting smaller in your rearview mirror…"